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To day i went to the pet store for a job intervue. My ounkel was the one intervuing me. He told me i was bacely in becouse i was his nease. Onely he is going to treat me the same if harder then any of his other inploies. So im glad to be getting a new start……. My parents sre being gay and barly letting me out of the house. It fells like im still grounded. But im getting bye. Bless it be, Nicole
OK i lyied, I do LOVE guys. It just the smalest amount of attention from them to remind me. I must say i love attention from Kyile. Who wouldent? Life has sertenly got better Much better. I got off grounding this week every day so far Jaz has come over. Or i got to go out once. I even sawl Chris T When i was out. He says he dousent know if he can trust me any more. Its not that he dousent Love me becouse he told me he did and he had massed me. He just dousent know if he could trust me and to tell you the truth i dont know if i trust my self. So me and jaz are going to find ourselfes guys with pearcesing and go out with them….. But i setal with a guy with out pearsings aka Mike. I want he so badly its not funny. Why did i scrue up the one chance i had with him. O well now me and jaz have a new saying if you get the chance tack it cause you might not get get the same chance agen. (No time for a soung) Bless it Be, Nicole
Guys theye are such a hasel. If you ask me they are worth more truble then they are worth. If being loved and sex wasent that grear i would say fuck them and become a lesbine. But trust me as much of a hassel as they are i am strate as a line…. Think of it you Always have to tell a guy if somthing is wroung they cant figer it out on there oun, you fall madly in love with them and want to be there for ever and then they go and you CANT get them out of you mind. Then there is the most deciving thing, they are gourages so manny guys make you fall in love with there looks, how are you asposed to find a great guy When i have to face it I always juge a the guys by how they look…. I know i know im shalow. But i can help it. There should be a rule any guy who looks great should have to have a great persionality also. lol “Hush my love now don’t you cry
Everything will be all right
Close your eyes and drift in dream
Rest in peaceful sleep
If there’s one thing I hope I showed you
Hope I showed you
Just give love to all
Oh my love…in my arms right
Every day you give me life
As I drift off to your world
Will rest in peaceful sleep
I know there’s one thing that you showed me
That you showed me
Just give love to all
Let’s give love to all” (Creed, Lullaby)
Bless it be, Nicole
Its funny i have been grouned for “lying” to my parents. well today should be the 8th day im grouned. Well today it was so nice out side. It felt like spring today it was so nice. So i told my parents i was going on a “run” when realy i met Chris Z and we ran for a bit but then we just ened up walking around and just hanging out…. I love spending time with Chris, i dont know why but when im with him i always have so much fun. Weather it may be just waling on the tran tracks and talking about the world around us. Or walking in town talking about life. For some reasion i have a great time with him…………..This is my new faroret soung (Howie Day, She says) when she says she wants somebody else
i hope you know that she doesn’t mean you
and when she breaks down and makes a sound
you’ll never hear her the way that i do
and when she says she wants someone to love
i hope you know that she doesn’t mean you
and when she breaks down and let’s you down
i hope you know that she doesn’t mean you.
“At times lifes unfair and you know
its plain to see
Hey God I know Im just a dot in
this world
Have you forgot about me?
Whatever life brings
Ive been through everything
And now Im on my knees again
But I know I must go on
Although I hurt I must be strong
Because inside I know that many
feel this way” (Creed, Dont Stop Danceing)
Life Isent Fare. My parents have decited to unground me NEXT SATERDAY. 2 Weeks im rounded becouse they went through my stuff. I have already started moving all my stuff to Cassies house. Mom adams is glad to have me. When i get ungrounded im going to go to cassies house every day after dinner and when ever mom adams is homw after school. I cant wate to get out of this house….. To day i sawl Chris Z, It was so good to see him. I wished so badly that Cassie wasent there so i could REALY talk to him. But she wouldent go away. I was like she was afread to leave me with him that i would like jump on him and have mad sex in the middle of the school. She is so sad…. But i realy wish i could talk to him. For some reasion it feels like he is the onely one i can realy talk to. Like he is the onely one who realy ounderstands. I long so much to tell him every thing but i cant do it one the internet and im not aloued out of the house. Life truely isent fare. But i Know i must go on. As heard as it may be some times.
Another day has almost come and gone
Can’t imagine what else could wrong
Sometimes I’d like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost but not the war (’cause)
Tomorrow’s another day
And I’m thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain
It’s almost like the hard times circle ’round
A couple drops and they all start coming down
Yeah, I might feel defeated,
I might hang my head
I might be barely breathing - but I’m not dead
Tomorrow’s another day
And I’m thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain
Its raining today, I dont know how long it has been since we have had a good thunger stourm. The rain is gladly welcomed.
Any way, I have started to move my stuff out of my house. THats the stuff i dont want my parents to get. I gave a bag to Cassie today and i have more i need to give her. As soon as i get out of my house im moving to Cassies. God i want to do any thing to get out of here.
To night i have our school play. Im hoping Chris will come to one of the preformances. I want him to hod me so badly. I MISS HIM! But even with him not there unfourtentualy life is going on.
Cassie has realy anoued me latley. She keeps making big deals about small things. Its like she has to have some kind of drama in her life. So she comes to me with this small drama that she thinks is the end of the world. Normaly i would be glad to help her but right now im trying to get through me stuff. So it just agervates me more. But what more can i say then life gos on.
Bless it be, Nicole
I dont want to live a life knowing i could be with the one i love, But were not aloued to. It fells like a modern day romeo and julet. Onely they found ways to see each other. Me and Chris cant even do that. We are forced to know that there is love. Every one is trying to distroy our love and leave us in the dark. Chris wont let that happen though. He told me I want you in my life ountill the day i die, If onely as a friend. He still wants to be there for me put no one will let him.
My Parents have runed my life and i dont know how meny times i can say, They think they are helping me whan all they are doing is hurting me more.
“May it be an evening star
Shines down upon you
May it be when darkness falls
Your heart will be true
You walk a lonely road
Oh! How far you are from home
Mornië utúlië ( Darkness has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornië alantië ( Darkness has fallen)
A promise lives within you now
May it be the shadow’s call
Will fly away
May it be your journey on
To light the day
When the night is overcome
You may rise to find the sun
Mornië utúlië ( Darkness has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornië alantië ( Darkness has fallen)
A promise lives within you now ”
Bless it be,
Nicole
They pry in to my life. Snouping in my notes, books, and jurnal. Who do they think they are, Telling me i cant see the persion i love. They have tryed to protect me, but they dont ounderstand, there protection is hurting me more then it is helping. Why wont they let me have a life. Whats so heard about that. Whats so heard about them letting there babby girl love someone. The time i was happyist was the time i spent with him. They never got to see than becouse i wouldent let them. As much as they want to hide me from Chris is about as much as i wanted them to see him. They were to cloused mined to see the thing i loved about him. They onely sawl the out side cover and you should never juge a book my its cover.
So now every one can thank them. Every one got what they wanted were not togeather. But Chris did tell me one thing befor we broke up…. He told me that He loved me, he loved more then he should of at the time but he still loved me, to this point he still loves me… And that is one thing NO One can stop. I dont care how long they keep me from seeing him we will always love each other.
“Never knew i could fell like this like i never sawl the sky before, Want to vanish in side your kiss every day i love you more and more. Lission to my hear you will hear it sing. Come back to me and for give every thing, Seasions may change winter to spring, But i love you ountill the end of time. Come what may…”
Bless it be,
Nicole
PS: Sorry if you havent figred out i can spell
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